I'm Not Whining. I'm Changing the World.

“Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

When I was 19, I was abducted from my driveway and raped.  Law enforcement believed me.  My attacker was caught, convicted, and thrown in jail.  He never got out alive.  I was one of the lucky ones. 

Ask yourself this:  A woman endured rape and is still considered lucky.  Who am I luckier than? The other victims?  What must they have endured for me to be lucky?

How is it that thirty years has passed and rape victims are still treated with disdain?  Haven't we learned by now that rape is not a sexual act, it's an act of violence?  Why do we keep blaming the victims? 

Most important of all, how do we change?

2017 brought the downfall of some powerful and famous men.  How long were their sexual misdeeds known?  These men should have fallen years ago but  their victims were finally heard.  Thanks to the efforts of reporter Ronan Farrow, Harvey Weinstein was exposed as a sociopathic sexual predator.  Now other brave victims have come forward with accusations against additional famous men.  Many of them have gone down: Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Kevin Spacey, James Toback, Chris Savino, Louis C K, to name just a few.  

It's now January, 2018 but the #metoo movement is not slowing down.  We've learned that USA Gymnastics and Michigan State University doctor Larry Nassar had been molesting young girls for two decades.  We watched incredulously as over 150 former gymnasts identified themselves as victims but spoke up in court and took their power back.  The most terrible thing we learned was that Nassar was accused back in 1997, but no one stopped him. 

For twenty years, Larry Nassar was free to keep abusing young girls.  Who do we blame for that?  Nassar, obviously.  But he shares the blame with each and every person who knew and stayed silent.

In my opinion, every administrator who learned of the accusations deserves the blame.  Even those who heard of it second-hand.  They could have called the police, and the police would have investigated.  But they chose not to.  Their reasons are not clear yet, but the reason does not matter.  They enabled sexual abuse with their silence. 

Then they did something even worse.  They turned the blame around on the victims. 
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/gymnastics-scandal-8-times-larry-nassar-could-have-been-stopped-n841091
 
Finally Nassar would have his reckoning.  He sat in the courtroom of Judge Rosemarie Aquilina and had to sit and listen while the little girls he hurt came back to call him out.  Then he had to stand silently while Aquilina sentenced him.  "I signed your death warrant,"she said.  Finally someone took action.  No young woman will be a victim of Nassar.  Never again. 

But for every brave survivor, how many still fight to be heard?  How many watch what happened to these young gymnasts and think they'll be dismissed too?  Aly Raisman's six Olympic medals weren't enough to make people listen to her.  How many survivors will be brave enough to try to be the exception? 

What can we do to make it easier for them?

There are millions of children who have been molested.  If you don't believe me, go watch the movie Spotlight.  The last few minutes of the movie lay it all out.

This is a pivotal moment in history.  So many survivors are speaking out, we have no choice but to believe them.  One victim is easy to write off.  Ten or twenty, not so much.  We have to keep talking.  Momentum is finally in our favor and I'm not gonna let this opportunity pass.

Recently I made a Facebook post discussing our current political leaders who've been accused of sexual harassment while no one seems to care.  Scratch that, no one from their political party seems to care.  One of my FB "friends" advised me to "find another avenue for your hostility."  To that person and any other detractors, I happen to think my current avenues are just fine, thank you.  In fact I like them so much, I added another one.  This blog.  If this offends you, you're just gonna have to feel offended.

I personally think feeling hostile toward rapists and sexual harassers is a healthy emotion.  It's clear that some people don't agree. While part of me wants to respond by suggesting who has the REAL problem, I'm gonna take the high road (this time) and stay focused on the message. 

I'm not here to whine and I'm not here to play victim.  For thirty years I've waited for things to change.  I waited for people to believe rape survivors and listen to children when they say they've been molested.  I've waited for people to stop asking what they did to deserve it or suggest what they could have done to prevent it.  Change never happened.

I'm done waiting.

So allow me to introduce myself:  I have a daughter who deserves a better world.  I'm a survivor of rape and I'm an advocate for change.  The only way we're gonna stop rape is to stop blaming victims and start listening.  Stop making excuses for rapists and hold them accountable.  Lock them up and throw away the key. 

Better yet, teach them not to rape in the first place.

Don't wait for change.  Make it happen.  That's why I'm here.